Growth Non Sequiturs – 17 November 2008

I look at pictures of me during the 2008 River of Sound Tour and I don’t recognize that person as myself. I am not her. I don’t have the feelings she had and I don’t have the understanding she had. I feel like I’m morphing into entirely different beings at a rapid pace, yet maintaining my constant, eternal identity in my core. I suspected the person who left Seattle would not return and it caused me some grief before I left. I’m happy to say there is no grief associated with the process at this point. Wonder, yes. Grief, no.

People say It’s true! I saw it with my own eyes! I just saw two heels on my left foot. Does this mean I have two heels on one foot or it mean I’m relaxing my eyes so that they’re not tracking together or does it mean something else entirely? Besides, eyes don’t see, the brain interprets information from the eyes. The eyes can only see the tiniest fraction of what’s really going on, look at how much more a microscope reveals. How can we really know what’s real?

I just saw some old documents on my hard drive; things that I wrote in the last two years because I was upset at the time and wanted to journal how I felt in order to get through it. I just realized I’ve grown so much since those times that I can’t even imagine them having the same import in my life now. Before I ended my marriage, I remember finding notes from church services about how I would like my life to be different. Something like five or ten years had passed and yet the same issues were prominent. Now I’m not affected by the same issues from month to month. Another example of expansion, I guess. I suspect I’ll look back on these blog posts with the same realization in the future. Like, say, next week.