I don’t write about the bad stuff. Most of the time, I don’t even register the bad stuff. Today, however, I noticed that I have been cranky a lot of times. Tonight, the dam broke. I’ve been bracing against all this without even realizing it. I need to get it out, so here goes:
My shoulder hurts. Bad. It started as a tender spot in my upper arm before I left Seattle and over the last two months has spread to my neck and shoulder and when I raise my arm or reach for something without thinking, it feels like something is shredding within my arm. When I'm sitting still or lying down, it aches. It’s not pleasant and getting worse. I hate living with pain again. Hate. It.
My back hurts and my hip hurts. It's not serious, but still uncomfortable. The bed is like a rock (most of them are) and the pillow is disgusting. I’m going to look into purchasing a pillow tomorrow, but until then I have to somehow fall asleep on this one. I’ve covered it with a scarf but it’s not helping much.
My scalp itches intensely and almost constantly. It started when my hair started growing back in. It’s been a month now and it’s not getting any better, it’s actually getting worse.
It’s so freaking noisy here! Here being India in general and here being in my room specifically. The wind is up tonight and something, a door or window, keeps slamming forcefully and erratically, sounding like a shotgun blast. Also, about 15 or 20 minutes ago, someone started playing a short chant over speakers. It’s 1:30 in the freaking morning! All I can make out is that it starts with Om and has 4 or 5 words. That’s all. Over. And Over. And OVER. Enough already! Oh, Great. It’s my next door neighbour. It’s now 3:45am and it’s still going. I have my tunes on and earplugs in and I can still hear it.
It’s 7:45 in the morning now. My guest house is on a corner with my window facing the street. Everything that comes through here blows its horn or rings its bell. It’s like the room from hell in here. So much for shanti (peace).
I just paid a lot of money for a trip to the beach which was supposed to be relaxing and was anything but. It was very stressful and that’s disappointing. If I don’t find some way to relax, I’m going to explode.
So, yeah. It’s not all bliss, all the time here. Sometimes it really bites. Like now. And this, too, shall pass. Just like the wind. Just like the rain. Just like the night. Just like everything.
It’s balance. The light with the dark. The soft with the hard. The sweet with the bitter. That’s duality. I could seek to transcend it all, but I’m not interested in that. I’ll address the things I can do something about and be in the experience.
Om shanti, shanti, shantihi.
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