Expansion – 17 November 2008

I’ve been combining Feldenkrais with my yoga practice for the last week or so. It’s very complimentary and I can feel a big difference. My body is doing wonderfully, but I’m having a significant amount of pain. The beds are very hard and the terrain is very rough. I maintain that yoga is essential for life here. When I feel some resistance to a particular stretch, I immediately back off and ask how the rest of my body can support the part in resistance. The effect is immediate and I’m often surprised at how many body parts are bracing in sympathy for the part in resistance. It’s like a preemptive guarding that’s dissolved by the asking of the question about support. Immediately I can feel my whole self soften and come to a more neutral place and then I can begin again to relax and stretch.

A few days ago, I went to the two caves Sri Ramana lived in. I was barefoot the entire time I was on the mountain. The path is mostly stones set in the earth and a good part of the time they are quite irregularly shaped and very uneven. Balancing was quite the task. One cave was closed for the day and I meditated in the other for about 10 minutes. The feeling I get while sitting on some of the boulder outcroppings is exquisite. The room where Sri Ramana gave his mother enlightenment through his touch moved me to tears. I want to spend more time on the mountain before I leave.

It’s my last day in Tiruvannamalai. I don’t really want to leave; I could be happy here permanently, or at least for quite a long time, but now is not the time for that. Now is the time for moving on to the next experience and the next experience is spending a few days in a hut on the beach. It will be the first time I’ve seen the ocean from India and I’m excited. It will also be the first time I’ve swum in the ocean in over 3 years.

I just this moment realized I missed my 3 year anniversary of moving to Seattle. It was 11 November. Nice that it’s not a big deal any more. Life has expanded well beyond that, thankfully.

Hmm, expansion is an interesting construct. Expansion was a big part of Feldenkrais and expansion is a big part of enlightenment, I think. I was struck then, when I was learning Feldenkrais, at how the learning was the same as I was getting from chanting and learning Vedic information and it’s ringing true for me again.

For the sake of illustration, let’s say my life is a circle. When I started chanting and Feldenkrais, my circle was filled with pain. It was my entire life. Perhaps the chanting and Feldenkrais allowed me to expand the perimeter of my circle, so that pain only took up 50%, then 25%, and so on down to nearly nothing.

I got an insight into Gurus here in Tiruvannamalai that also has to do with expansion. From what I’ve read and what I’ve experienced, it seems to me that most Gurus, the real ones anyway, discourage their devotees from considering them Gurus. They don’t wish to be worshipped and they are usually self effacing. When I felt the Love emanating from this place when I arrived and I recognized it so intimately, I realized that Gurus are just conduits. They don’t generate this, what’s happened is they have learned enough and expanded to the point of getting their egos out of the way of the Divine and they let it flow through them. They are right; it’s not them. It’s the Divine. It’s in all of us and we can learn to get our small selves out of the way and let It flow through us, too. How wonderful!

Another thing I experienced that I’ve only known conceptually, is that different people resonate to different teachers. In the past, I’ve been quick to dismiss someone with whom I don’t resonate with as not the real thing. That’s not fair and it’s not true. Catherine Ingram likens people to tuning forks, some vibe together and some don’t. When you get in front of a teacher you vibe with, you know it. It doesn’t mean that ones you don’t vibe with aren’t real.

I got darshan from a woman tonight in a full room in an ashram. I didn’t feel anything directly from her, yet the energy in the room was extremely strong and I could feel most of the others in the room were deeply affected by her. It was clear to me they resonated with her. Watching her move around the room, I was deeply moved by her divinity. I could see it. I wasn’t feeling any direct connection with her, yet I could see her glowing and connecting with the others. It was beautiful. Yet again, my consciousness expanded to allow Grace and understanding in. What a beautiful lesson. Such a gift.

Speaking of gifts, we had downpours with and without thunder today! Yay! I danced in the rain twice. I had Indian men laughing at me from their porch as I sang Locah Samastah Sukinoh Bhavantu and spun around gleefully in the deluge. I got lost at least 3 times looking for the SivaSakti Ashram in the rain for darshan and when I gave up all attachment to getting there (I had exactly 2 minutes until it started) the dirt path suddenly became a wide paved road and there it was! One shopkeeper I asked for directions early on in my quest generously volunteered his friend to ride me on his bicycle so that I wouldn’t get so wet, but I looked at that tiny seat and politely refused. When I came back by his shop on my way back to Sri Ramanasramam, he popped out of his door and asked me if I had found it. He was very charming and I promised to come back and have chai with him. Not to buy, because if I ask you to buy, you will only say no. So, just come back and have tea with me. Oh! How I love this place.