Connection – 13 November 2008

I’ve been feeling isolated here. There are a ton of Westerners, but they seem to either be off in a trance of their own or in cliques. I’ve approached several with no luck at connecting. I can’t get any Indians to make eye contact with me, so connecting with them isn’t happening either.

Today, I was considering what in my consciousness was creating this experience. I considered the possibility that I had nothing to do with it at all. I was curious, but not attached to getting any answers.

For the last three days, I’ve been eating fruit salad with yoghurt, called fruit curd, and an omelette around mid day and that’s been my only meal of the day. I snack on a banana or pineapple slice and get a cup or two of chai and that’s all I’ve been needing.

Today, at breakfast, I sat next to a group of five women I’d seen before. They were in deep conversations, have been here for months, and their energy seemed very closed to me. A woman asked if she could sit across from me, so I said yes. She didn’t look very happy, and looked like the woman who I asked to chat with a few days ago who said she preferred silence. As I was praying over my food, she mumbled something about “there’s no one out there, the energy is all going to humans anyway”. I opened my eyes and she was frowning at me. I just shrugged and let it go. We didn’t speak another word. I didn’t really want a connection with her. I realized something then. It is me stopping the connections. I don’t like the energy I’m sensing from some of the people and I’m not open to them.

Tonight, I decided to eat dinner and went to the restaurant across the street. They had a buffet and I was in the mood for variety. I had my soup course at a table by myself. I had noticed a Western woman sitting at the next table by herself and I got a nudge internally to ask if I could sit with her, but in my current mood, didn’t want to take the chance of getting rebuffed, so I sat alone. When I got the next course, I again got an internal nudge, so I asked and she accepted.

I’m so glad I asked. What a delightful person she is! She and I talked incessantly for over an hour. She’s from London and is here for the second time, this time for six months. She said she felt the unwelcoming energy the first time she was here, too. We exchanged contact info and may be visiting the caves together.

I’ve noticed that the Indians and the Westerners don’t mingle much here and that saddens me. I’ve noticed more of an energetic wall from the Indians from the Westerners and that saddens me, too. I only saw one other Westerner on the walk last night. Only one Indian woman spoke to me the entire time. It’s such a paradox, that this place of such Divine Love that is palpable is also a place of isolation.

I don’t know if my intention to connect with someone caused the connection to happen tonight or not, I’m just glad it happened.