I took myself out for a celebratory lunch at Tasty’s of fruit curd and finger chips. I love the potatoes here. In India, I suspect they do not put the eye growth inhibitor toxins on them like they do in the US. I got sick immediately after the last time I ate here, so I’m testing my faith. Lunch is over and I’m now lying back on a bench, fully reclined, writing this and waiting for the power to come back on so I can get online and post it. It’s hot today, but the sun is in and out of the clouds and there is a nice breeze. I’m under the thatch so it’s very pleasant.
The awareness is slowly trickling in that I’m done with school. I have some administrative tasks to follow up with over the next two days, so I’m not completely separated from it, but I have no more commitment related to assignments. Looking back, the Mountain knew what It was doing when It called me directly here. I think it would have been impossible for me to complete my assignments while being in Rishikesh and Vrindavan with all the travel and logistical issues that would have been involved in that plan. I think it’s going to take a bit of time to sink in and then I can truly relax and celebrate. I have a feeling I’m going to feel a lot lighter very soon.
So much has happened since I got here that it feels like I've been here a month. I'm trying to stay out of the “If only I had … instead” game in regards to my phone. It’s not about losing the phone itself, it’s about wondering why I cannot seem to hold onto anything I love lately. Is it so bad to cherish things in my life and want to keep them? What’s up with all the letting go? Yesterday, I did come to an awakening that I am COMPLETELY at choice about letting go of everything in Seattle to come here. That was empowering. I didn’t choose to let go of the phone though.
I’m not sure about replacing it. Am sitting with not having one and seeing what comes of that. Having that phone here never felt quite right to me. It was something about the form factor and noticeability. There are some ways one wants to be invisible here and that phone attracted a lot of attention. My primary need for a phone here is texting and I have gotten so used to my touch screen. The couple of basic phones I’ve held in my hands the last couple of days have felt so unsatisfactory in that regard. I suspect I can get used to texting with my thumbs on a number pad again, but damn. Decisions, decisions…
I am keenly aware of how privileged I am to even have this decision to make. Ahhh, here is the power, time to go online!
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