Merry Christmas to All! Happy Whatever You Celebrate to All!
To borrow from my friend, Jordi, my heart is too full of the Now to write much. Not much room for past or future. I'll try though, because I'm a writer and that's what I do.
I'm well. I'm happy. I'm also miserable, sometimes at the same time. I cycle through many extremes repeatedly in one day. It's like my consciousness is a honeycomb, with all these compartments of stories and emotions and I can get lost or bask in any one of them, or move through lots of them at blazing speeds in succession, or experience myself as the comb itself and be aware of all of them and/or none of them at the same time.
This study in contrasts that is India? It's really Me. All at the same time. So, if you can think it, I'm probably feeling it.
The details seem trivial on one level and not on another. For example, I was the next to last person to receive darshan from Amma this morning, around 1:30am. Christmas morning. I got to rest in her arms while she talked to an attendent. That alone was exquisite, but it also meant I was on stage for Aarti, the celebration of Her as Divine. I received some of Her milk as prassad. That was just one very quick event in a day that felt like a month with major, consciousness-shaking events, one after the other.
Amma had been giving darshan for 15 hours and I didn't want to go. I didn't want to extend her day any longer than it had already been. I noticed the door was closed so I just decided I'd get darshan today. The Voice disagreed. An argument with The Voice ensued.
"Get Darshan."
No, Amma's tired, I'm going to let her rest.
"Get Darshan."
NO. The door is closed, it's too late.
"Get Darshan."
No.
"They will let you in, if you ask."
No. It's too late. All those people are lined up to get names and mantras and they've been waiting a long time. I'm totally happy not getting darshan tonight.
"It's after midnight; it's Christmas. Get Darshan."
NO. She's hugged enough people today. I'll get darshan tomorrow. It will still be Christmas.
"COME GET DARSHAN!"
No, ... Then, much to my surprise, my feet were carrying me up the ramp and I am in a group of three that are requesting darshan at the last moment. The doorkeeper has a five minute, multi-segmented, door opening and closing, heated discussion through a crack in the door with some unseen person on the inside in a language I can't understand.
All of a sudden, the door opens all the way and we're rapidly shoved in front of Amma. Within 1 minute, I'm on my knees in her lap.
No, not trivial, but yes, in a way it is. Does any of it really matter?
To close, I'll borrow from Amma's Christmas 2008 message.
Go forth and Be the Light of Christ in the world.
Merry Christmas, All!
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